The Power of Vulnerable Honesty
[ Written in San Marcos La Laguna, Lake Atitlan, Guatemala ]
Today, I feel inspired, on track, in purpose.
I feel I am injecting a positive charge to the world.
It’s been a while since I played the music of Loyle Carner in my headphones.
Not sure why I chose it today.
I think I wanted some hip hop, but something soft and gentle also.
Loyle is perfect for that.
I pushed play as I left the cafe and began my walk home.
San Marcos has one main walking path. They call it hippie highway.
If you visited, you would understand why.
I walked slow as I enjoyed the music, deciding to take the long way home.
My left hand gripped the headphone cord and twisted it in the way that a shy child might handle the bottom edge of their t-shirt.
I was feeling incredibly open, and found it interesting that in my openness there was a shy vulnerability.
Gripping the headphone cord was an unconscious soother.
As I passed people, it felt they all beamed smiles at me.
I beamed smiles back.
Perhaps I have that glow today that inspires a smile in others.
It sure feels that way.
I reflected on my independence here.
I am alone.
How I planned it.
How I like it.
And I am thriving.
I am achieving my mission.
As I reached the turn off towards where I am staying, I walked over the bumpy gravel corner and my eyes landed on a woman I met recently, walking in my direction.
In a gracious and playful performance, I paused, closed my eyes, removed my headphones and opened my arms with a smile.
She entered my embrace and we softly hugged at the corner.
I could still hear Loyle Carner softly playing from the headphones that were now sitting around my neck.
“How are you” I asked.
“I’m feeling really sensitive” she said.
“We can hug as long as you want” I told her.
She softened deeper into the hug.
“You can cry if you like” I offered, as I held her close and stroked the back of her head.
I synced my breath to hers and held her.
She cried into my shoulder.
And that was us for some time.
Eventually she gave me that squeeze-tight-pulse, which indicates “I am ready to release from this embrace”.
If you’re a person who hugs, you know the one I mean.
I gave it back, agreement, and we unwrapped our arms.
At this precise moment, faintly, I could hear Jordan Rakei singing the hook in Loyle Carners song Ottolenghi.
I placed my headphones over her ears.
She closed her eyes, and leaned back in for another hug.
I contemplated on how nicely music moves emotions, as the melody did exactly that.
It felt right, and it was.
I slipped the head phones off again, we unwrapped, smiled at each other.
She thanked me.
She called me an angel.
I grabbed the bottom edge of my t-shirt, and wiped her tears away.
I stroked the hair off of her damp cheeks.
“If you want to talk about it, I am open, if not, no problem” I said.
She took a moment of thought.
“I’m ok” she said, “I just needed a cry and a hug”.
She was on her way to grab a coffee and have a “cleanse” in the lake.
As we parted, we shared a final hug goodbye.
“Be gentle on yourself… and don’t rush it” I whispered.
How she responded indicated that these words were the right ones to be spoken.
She thanked me again, as we smiled goodbye, and continued on our ways.
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From this experience, I reflected on the power of vulnerable honesty.
She needed a hug, and a cry.
And for her to be honest with how she was feeling, she was given exactly what she needed.
An invitation to play the role of service, and give oneself with care, intuitively.
A reminder for me to speak my truth, and open up to the aid of others.
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